Scattered Thoughts of a Tired Man

I am too tired for a big thoughtful post. I have several things I want to blog about but I am too tired tonight. Yet I want to write so I warn you that this will be the tired reflections that are roaming through my brain tonight.

I can't believe he's gone.

It doesn't seem real.

And yet it is.  Very.

I was there at the end.  I spent his last night with him, and as my cousin truthfully stated, I will cherish that time forever.  This morning we took the kids over to see what Papa left behind, to take one last look, to have one more touch, to make his departure real.  The kids handled it great and Sarah and I are doing ok.

No one else tell me they are so sorry.  Express a positive emotion.  "I love you," "I'm praying for you,"  <<<hug>>> (w/o words).   [btw, that's not a complaint, just a thought.  I am deeply touched by all those reaching out]

I'll miss him greatly and in the pain of that missing, I am reminded of the joy that was a good relationship.  As I told him moments before he let go, he was a great dad.

This is a very sad time, but that is not the same as a negative time.  God has given too many gifts and manifested Himself too plainly in all this for it to be negative.  But it is very sad.  I am sad, yet with peace and joy.

I have now been up over 36 hours.  I should get some sleep soon.  There is a lot to do tomorrow.

Sometime soon I need to get to the lake.  I think I need to go there to reflect and morn (but not without hope.  :)  ).

It is good to be home tonight.    I will however miss the absolutely FANTASTIC nursing staff at Maine General in Augusta.  The oncology nurses are some of the best in the world, bar none.  I cannot thank them enough for the care, tenderness, and love they showed my dad.  They made it so that even though he was in the hospital, he died at home.

Last random thought.  As has been true for a couple decades now, I cannot look down at my hands and not think of my dad.  I have his hands.  They look just like his did and each time I see them I will remember that last night (last night) when I held his hand for hours until he was ready to go.  Another gift.