It was a good day today.  Charlene's shower this morning and it is always encouraging to see the ladies of the church come out to spend time together and encourage a new mom.  Lots of cars in the parking lot today.  This afternoon we had the Dominican Republic Mission trip reunion down in Augusta.  Nate, Brian and I rode together and had some sweet fellowship in the car as well as enjoying seeing some friends from the trip at the reunion.

Tonight I got some time with Sarah just to sit and relax and talk.  It has been a busy few days.  Both of our souls are tired tonight.  There are times when you get tired and it is easy to feel discouragement creep in.   Reminds me of my past.......

When I was in high school and my first year of college, I struggled mightily with depression.  I didn't need medication or counseling.  I needed a Godly perspective.  I was a Christian, but I was focused squarely on me, what was wrong with me and what wasn't going right.  Others didn't treat me right, etc.   A physical manifestation of this was I tended to walk with my head down.  On bad days I would be watching my feet.  Good days, the ground out ahead.

I didn't realize I did that.

After God began to truly get hold of my heart and turn my attention outward towards others, when he redirected my thoughts away from how I felt and what I thought and focused me on how I could love others, my heart changed.  One day a friend politely asked me what had happened.  "What do you mean?" I asked.  He proceeded to tell me that he had noticed a change in my walk/posture.  "You used to keep your head down and slump your shoulders.  Now you walk with your head up.  What happened?"

I hadn't realized I had changed my walk.

I explained to him the work God had done in my life.

Although the days of depression are behind me, never to return, there are days when their shadow creeps back over me.  I can get discourged and feel defeated by things.  I mentally begin to stare at my feet again.  That is when I must refocus.  Tonight it meant updating some pictures on my Facebook for the express purpose of reminding me how blessed I am by my family.  I also looked up to the horizon, at the upcoming Men's Summit and Peacemaker Training at church.  At the (Lord willing) birth of our fourth child in June.  At all God is going to do in our lives in the life of our church this summer and fall.  I have watched God work in amazing ways in our fellowship this winter and spring.  It is only the beginning!

Eyes back on the horizon...off my feet.  Lord, may I keep my eyes on you, and off me.

A couple of posts ago I opined on my need to adjust the structures of my life as events changed.  That process has continued and unfortuantely, the blog has still not had as much attention as it deserves.  But that is not to say there hasn't been progress.  I have made several changes of late as I seek to be more focused on Christ and enjoy the "self-control" part of the fruit of the Spirit.  Got a long way to go, but some good initial steps.

First, I am working on further reform of my eating/exercising habits as I seek to lose more weight.  This isn't all in the win column yet, but moving in a good direction.  I am not trying to diet.  I am simply trying to build new habits that include better/less eating and more physical activity.  I want something I can sustain, not a temporary change.

Second, I have cut further back on TV.  Not that I watch a ton.  We don't have it on at all during the day.  In the past I have tended to watch it in the evening, just whatever was on or a DVD.  Sarah and I are still avidly watching NCIS & NCIS: LA along with Jeopardy, but beyond that and the news, most nights I have just shut the thing off and read.  I love to read and it is better for me mentally than just nightly vegetating.  As a result, I have finished two books in three weeks!

Third, I am going to bed earlier.  Reading instead of watching TV helps with this as I get sleepier easier reading.  TV keeps me more awake.  I have normally gone to bed between midnight and two A.M. for most of my post-college life.  Last few days I have headed to bed between 10:20-11:30.  Haven't had to have any caffeine in a week as a result.  Also waking up before the alarm and more patient with life and kids.  Bonus!

Lastly, back to getting ahead on work (if you don't count Camp where I am woefully behind).  On Tuesday I was able to finish this Sunday's services and get most of "Holy Week's" work done too.  Radio show done and am now working hard on getting the next section of the Roman's Small Group study done.  Got one week recorded today.  If I can get several done tomorrow we'll be in great shape.

So that's the restructuing so far.  Next up, Berea, cleaning/reorganizing the house, and more visitation.    I'm glad God is patient.  This could take awhile!  :)

I shared the above link in an earlier "link" post and said I might come back to it.  Here I am.  :)

There is a great outcry about privacy and our loss of privacy on the internet and elsewhere.  There are some ways that we can try to control what gets out there about us and some things that seem beyond our control.  It can all seem a little scary.  As I think about it, it makes me wonder, what am I afraid of?  No to be sure there is some information I want to keep private.  My credit card numbers, bank account numbers, things like that.  I am not trying to keep secrets so much as keeping things secure from those who would use it maliciously.  And really that sums up my point today.

There are those who think that we should have a great deal of secrecy.  There have always been those who have wanted to hide their life, their problems, their issues.  I have had Christian people who have tried hard to keep things covered up and gotten upset if people knew about them.  Anyone.   I say there is a difference between privacy and secrecy.  I say that I want to keep my financial data private.  I do.  But it is not secret.  My wife knows it, my bank knows it, the merchants I do buisness with know it.  It is private but not secret.  When it comes to issues in my life, there are things that are private.  Afterall, some personal stuff should not be broadcast for the whole world to know.  That isn't the same as keeping it a secret.  My christian brothers should know what is going on in my life.  They shouldn't have me hiding things or not being forthcoming with them.  As a pastor, I am accountable to the church fellowship.  That means that things that impact me should be known by them.  It doesn't mean that all details need to be released, but they should know what is going on in my life.  It is part of accountability and part of fellowship.  According to the Bible, we are to share our struggles in the fellowship of believers.  "Bear one anothers burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ."  Things can be private, but secret is another matter.

The other point is, what are we afraid of?  If someone were to know my secrets, would it change their view of me?  If I am afraid of that, I have a problem.  The Bible tells us that God is going to bring everything hidden to light.  Sometimes he does that now.  "Be sure your sin will find you out."   If I am trying to keep something secret because it would make me look bad, perhaps I need to examine what I'm doing.    You want to know what I watch, what books I read, what things I've ordered on Amazon.com?  Want to know what ways I fail as a husband or parent?  (because I do fail).  Want to know what we struggle with emotionally or when I get down or selfish?   Its not a secret.  I don't broadcast all of that stuff, but I'm not afraid of the information either.  Get a good look.  You will find that I am a flawed man who struggles, but who seeks to honor God and is trying desperately to learn to submit to Christ more, especially as a husband and a father, but also as a pastor, mentor, and friend.  I have a long way to go and that is no secret!

Perhaps we would have fewer scandals, fewer fallen leaders, more trust, and more accessible leaders if we stopped trying to keep our secrets and lived open lives of honesty and brokenness.  For me, I have to sacrifice being thought of as a perfect man or even a wonderful pastor, but I was never that to being with.  I'm just a sinner in need of grace.

February went pretty well here at the blog.  By the end of the month I was catching up and getting ahead in a real way for the first time since Dad got sick.    I got a week ahead on a sermon outline and radio shows.  Had plans for upcoming sermons under development.  Life is what happens when you are busy making plans.  We got the call from Charlene that her water had broken and they were heading to the hospital.  The next morning we were delighted to hear that baby Churchill had arrived, early but healthy.  I haven't written a blog post since.  Now it would be terrible of me to try to blame this poor little boy for the famine on my blog.  It isn't really his fault.  And I can't complain about having my plans changed, after all, Nate & Charlene's plans were much more deeply impacted than my own.    In reality, the sudden change and shifts in workload that resulted were less about me being busier and more about me struggling to adjust routine.  Yes, I have been busy, but you make time when you need to.  The bigger issue is the structure that I create to manage my work.  I had one structure worked out and when things changed I didn't adjust as adroitly or quickly as I should have.  Then I get into a structure that can best be summed up in the phrase, "I'm getting to it without doing it."  Not getting to it hardens into a habit that requires breaking.  That's why I'm finally doing a blog post today.  I am very busy, with IV tonight and an early morning pastors' breakfast.  Yet, it is time to return to the blog, to do it, not merely try to get to it.

I am left with a couple of good thoughts.  How often to we allow changes to throw us off our game, to point to those changes as reasons why we didn't do stuff when the real blame lies with ourselves, that we failed to reprioritize, reorganize, and adjust to the change?  How often do we carefully fine-tune our lives while ignoring that God is the one that directs our steps and that we should be ready for that direction to differ from our plans.  God warned us that we do not know what a day will bring forth.

And congrats to the Churchills for the birth of their son!  We are so excited!

So we have the 1%.  The .1%.  The 99%.  I read an article that mentioned that where you fit depends on how wide you consider it.  Most Americans, including those occupying things, are among the richest in the world.  We clamor for more, either more money, more opportunity, more something.  Rarely are we looking for more places to give our own money or more ways that we can serve others with no benefit to our selves.  Who're we figthing for anyway?    Here's some interesting thoughts on the pursuit and posession of riches.  At the end is a facinating link on some research about riches.

Proverbs 28:6  Better is the poor who walks in his integrity Than he who is crooked though he be rich.

Jeremiah 9:23-24  Thus says the LORD, "Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches;  (24)  but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things," declares the LORD.

Matthew 19:23-24  And Jesus said to His disciples, "Truly I say to you, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.  (24)  "Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

1 Timothy 6:6-10  But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment.  (7)  For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either.  (8)  If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.  (9)  But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction.  (10)  For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/27/10512938-rich-people-more-likely-to-cheat-behave-badly-research-finds

Read the article and think about the facinating implications suggested by it.  What are you fighting and striving and working and hoping for?  Does it involve riche$?