Doing For, Doing With

How do I get closer to my wife and my children? How do I grow in my love for them? Well that's easy, by spending time with them. As I had a busy day in the office today, my daughter came up at one point to show me something. I gathered her onto my lap and spent some time talking with her; listening and sharing. We cuddled and talked. It was a good time. It was only a few minutes. That by itself was not enough, but it was good time.

The other day I took her on a date. We ran a quick errand which she helped me with and then we went out to lunch and had good face to face time talking. The other day I sat with my oldest son at the kitchen table and we talked and talked, with him doing most of the talking. Most of the last few evenings have featured Sarah and I sitting down and just talking and talking. See my point?

To get closer, to grow in love and connection, I must spend time with those I love. Some men think that growing in love and connection involves doing things for those they love. While doing things "for" can demonstrate love, it can't do much to build love and connection. This fallacy leads some men to utter those words, "After all the things I've done for you???" Doing "for" is good, doing "with" is better.

The same goes for God. Many people see growing closer to God or stronger in God a matter of doing God's work, of doing things for God. Reacting to God's love by doing is good, but that cannot build love and instead usually leads to a work based religion closely resembling but not actually being Biblical Christianity. Growing in God is a matter of abiding, of living with, of spending time "with", not just "for". Are you more focused on doing rather than being "with"? Are you so busy doing things, whether for God or for your family, that you have little time to actually be with them? If so it is time to refocus.