Climbing or Sledding

We use both the phrase 'tough climb' and 'rough sledding' to indicate working through a challenging part of life.  Those two phrases got me thinking this past week.  I was talking to one of my young adult daughters about marriage and relationships.  I was telling her how, after twelve years, Sarah and I are closer friends with stronger connections and better communication than where we started.  How in twelve years we have had plenty of struggles and conflicts through the normal flow of life and that every one of those struggles and conflicts have brought us closer and into a deeper understanding and communion with each other.  We started well, with good counseling and preparation and with people around us supporting us.  Even with all that going for us, marriage is hard work and having done that hard work, we are far further along than we started.

It is not that way with all marriages, obviously.

That is what brings me to those two phrases.  Both capture the same idea but work off a different word picture.  There are some who expect to get into marriage and go sledding.  They expect to jump in and just sail down.  When they hit obstacles, they are in trouble because that is not how it is supposed to be.  Sledding is supposed to be just a fun trip.  Sledding is supposed to be more fun than work.  Sure, you might need to steer a little, but for the most part you are supposed to sail down the hill having a great time.  Some enter marriage hoping for good sledding.

Others see marriage as a climb.  They are moving upwards towards a summit.  They expect to exert effort each day.  When they hit obstacles, well that was expected and is just part of the experience of climbing.  A good challenging climb actually can be fun in the long haul and makes you a better climber.  You know it is going to be a challenge, but the view keeps getting better as you advance.

I think the second metaphor is the better of the two when it comes to marriage.  We need to see marriage as a climb, filled with hard work and challenges but so very worth it because of what the effort gets you.  In Sarah's & my climb of the last twelve and a half years, we have had many  moments of easy climbing along with plenty of moments of obstacles and tough spots.  We tackled each together, gained experience as well as trust in each other, and these years later the view has only improved.  With each year of climbing with my climbing partner, we become more connected, more intimate, more trusting of each other.  We are inclining not declining.

If you are married or preparing for marriage, which metaphor have you, perhaps unconciously, embraced?  Do you expect easy sledding or a challenging climb?  Will the tough spots be obstacles and interruptions, disrupting the smooth trip you were hoping for, or will they be challenges you are expecting and anticipating, knowing they will strengthen your bond and experience as a climber?  I urge you toward the climb.  I know we are not at the top of our mountain yet, but the view already is amazing and I cannot believe how much deeper, more satisfying and intimate the bond between us has become.  I can say that the honeymoon is long over.  It was wonderful.  Being a newlywed was amazing.  But things are SO MUCH BETTER now!