Discipline & Responsibility

I want to share a learning experience from our household that took place the other day.  My daugher (now 7.5) was having a difficult day.  Nothing was right, she didn't want to do what she was told, she argued at every turn.  Since we don't allow that kind of behavior, there were consequences.  First she had to deal with me (mom was out for most of the day).  When she continued to argue, I sent her to her room until she could stop arguing.  When she argued about that (as she was going) she got a pat on the backside.  (just 1, really light).  When her mom got home later, a similar incident ensued with a similar outcome.  Now, after each incident, either I or my wife sat down with her in a nondiscipline conversation and talked about what happened.  I was the first one and we talked about why I had had to take the steps that I took.  We laughed that my spank wasn't really anything impressive, and we talked about what needed to be done better.  We had a good talk and I didn't have any further issues with her.   When my wife had a similar talk later after my daughter had struggled again with her, my daughter expressed, "I have just had a rough day with arguing!"  She took responsibility for her own actions and recognized her own struggle.  She and her mom had a really great talk about it and the rest of the day was really good.

Discipline is not simply to correct one behavior, it is to mold and change behavior.  While our parental discipline may utilize punishment, punishment is not the goal. We don't have to turn everything into a confrontation between us.  It is more about helping the kids learn to control themselves and make wise decisions.  As they get older, they will have more and more responsibility and will need to be used to making good decisions on their own.  That is why we sit down and discuss with them and help them troubleshoot for themselves.  When they can see what they need to change, they don't need us so much to tell them what to do.

That's exciting.  It is great to see them slowly growing more aware and making good decisions ahead of our instruction.  I will be able to trust their judgement because I was active in helping shape their judgement, not just doing it for them.