I found myself struggling with sadness and discouragement today as I got word of someone who has decided to be mad at me but would rather just be mad and assume the worst than to come to me and try to talk through things. This is not a rare occurrence in churches, but it still really kills me because I really try and don't understand that reaction. [have I mentioned how thankful I am for the peacemaker material which gives us a Biblical framework for how to deal with these things and makes it pretty obvious when someone refuses to do the Biblical thing?] The point is that I just felt sick to my stomach and sad. It doesn't help that I am overtired today. Well, my first instinct was to call one of the deacons to talk, which helped. My next instinct was to call one of my Christian brothers to talk, which helped. Then I finally did what I should have done first. I got down on my knees (literally) and spent some time crying out (also literally) to God. I thanked Him for His spurs. Sometimes he has to dig them into my side, causing pain, to keep me in His strength and out of mine, to keep my eyes on Him. I need to be reminded that when something hurtful or frustrating like this happens, that I need to thank God for it and see it as a spur. As the peacemaker material reminds us, conflict is an opportunity. That action really helped. Finally I could eat some lunch. God got my focus back where it belongs, on Him. I had to confess my slowness in turning this over to him. I can be such a fool. :) So what will I do with this individual. Rather they will listen or respond or not, I will go to them, with help, and try to connect. My responsibility is to try to have a Biblical response, no matter what the other person's behavior is. Keep me in prayer as I do that. In other thoughts, I enjoyed the morning service this morning. I also look forward to resuming the peacemaker series next week. Boy, got to catch the fourth quarter of the Colts game this afternoon. Never saw a fourth quarter like that!! Wow!

I got news today that punched me in the gut. I found out that a friend of mine (not from our church or town)has left his wife and small children and begun an affair. He says he cannot do it anymore. This news devastates me. I know this guy. He is a Christian. He has told people he knows that everything he is doing right now is wrong, but he is going to do it anyway. That thought, knowing its wrong but pursuing it anyway sums up a lot. (see previous post on "the facts". Most of the time, when I do something wrong, whether it is a selfish attitude toward my wife or kids, anger, laziness, etc. I know its wrong but I am too tired/angry/hurt/needy to push myself to do the right thing. This brings my thoughts to Jesus in the garden. He was tired, stressed out, and scared. He did not want to go through with it. It was too hard, too scary, too much. Even though this is the very reason He came, now that the time has come, he doesn't want to. He knows what the right thing is, but THREE times he prays and begs God the Father to let Him out of it. Imagine the horror if Jesus had said, "I know its wrong, but I'm too tired. I'm sick of being misunderstood, misused, unappreciated, and attacked. I know its probably not what I should do, but I'm out of here." No salvation, no heaven, no victory for us. No relationship with God. But Jesus, even though He felt the same way we do, had one crucial phrase; "not my will but yours be done." He didn't do what He wanted. When it got hard and He wanted to quit, He didn't. I hope that's me and all of us. When it gets hard, when I am at my most selfish. Not my will be done.

"Don't confuse me with the facts." Ever hear anyone say that. I notice that attitude on display so often. Whether it be our beliefs about God & religion, about politics, or even about more personal things, we often want to stay loyal to our beliefs, feelings, pride, grudges, or whatever, no matter what the facts are. When we want to believe something, especially about ourselves, the facts can really get in the way and we often disregard them. In the study I have been doing for Sunday School on prophecy, I have tried to leave that attitude behind. I was raised Premillenial and pretrib. It would have been easy for me to simply teach those positions while gently mentioning the other two and saying that they are wrong. Instead, I sought out teaching on the other position from those that really believe it and tried to learn their perspective. I carefully examined and took seriously their critiques of the point of view I was raised with. I wanted to evaluate it from a fresh perspective and be ready to be convinced if how I was raised was wrong. The result was interesting. At first, I began to think maybe I had been wrong. Initial inquiries raised some doubts and thoughts in me. This made me dig deeper and really research. I am not going to adopt something (or continue to hold something) that doesn't work out. In the end, the approach of being more interested in the facts than in being right led me to a much deeper and broader understanding of the subject than I have ever had before. My beliefs now on this are much stronger and more informed than before. I try to do the same with politics. I examine my own preconceptions and biases and try to see what truth there is outside of the narrow terms we tend to think in, wanting only to be reinforced in our beliefs. I wish more people would sit back and take a careful look at facts and always be ready to reexamine their positions, not because truth changes, the truth of God is constant and eternal, but because real truth will always stand up to hard questioning and investigation, and sometimes...just sometimes...we can be wrong. :)

I continue to be so impressed and excited by the response to the peacemaker studies. We have such a large portion of the church participating in the studies, and even some who are not are asking for the book to read based on how much they are enjoying the Sunday messages. Two more small groups start up this week. I so firmly believe that this study is vital to our health as a church. There are always those people who are negative. They have a criticism or critique. They feel they have been hurt, misused, or misunderstood. They may even be right. The problem is that instead of emphasizing Christ's love and our common connection in Him, instead of trying to take care of the issue and find resolution and restoration, they seem primarily interested in dwelling on the wrong, convicting and condemning the person or group they feel wronged them, and certainly not moving on in love and forgiveness. In 16 years of service in Maine churches, I have had times when I was misrepresented, mistreated, out and out lied about, etc. Being treated this way by Christian brothers & sisters hurt. But I have worked to have a response of peace and I can tell you that I do not harbor any hard feelings toward any of the people who were involved in those situations. I even went on to work with or serve with some of them over the years. It is all in your response. Rather than focus on the other person, we focus on ourselves with humility. When you meet someone who has one tale of woe after another, who has a string of churches behind them, each one having "victimized" them in some way. You probably have found someone who needs to read the book, The Peacemaker, and adjust their response to the conflicts that occur in life.

Early reports are that the small groups that met last night went well. We have ordered more copies of "The Peacemaker" for those who want them. They'll be in church on Sunday. Have I mentioned how important I think this study is? I'm glad the Red Sox could hold on for that win. It was a very close call a couple of times. Now if only the Orioles could have held it together in the 8th. From teaching and reading American History, I have long known that despite all the handwringing over the partisanship and negativity in todays politics, it is actually probably a little better than the "old days." Here is a cool blog entry from Real Clear Politics that discusses this. "Politics or Paddycake" This entry was particularly interesting to me because I am reading "John Adams" right now.