Well, Sarah and I are off to Blueberry Mountain for a marriage retreat weekend. Should be a lot of fun. Thanks to Cody and Carmel who will be taking turns watching our three while we are gone. It will be nice to get refreshed, challenged, encouraged, etc. It will be nice to have a little time for just the two of us. So important to make sure we get this. Looking forward to Sunday with our new series too. "Going Through the Motions" is the name of it and we will be in the book of Isaiah. Have a great weekend!

Here is a great Newsweek article about our culture and the fact that it seems a little too permissible for men to be sexually promiscuous. I really agree with this article but think it is incomplete when it comes to a Biblical understanding. Our culture has been getting increasingly sexually permissive while at the same time ignoring the truth about our sexuality. We hate sex offenders, we condemn rapists, we exhile stars and politicians who get caught in sexual sin. BUT... Sex is used more and more to sell things. Women show more and more of their bodies. I am not simply talking about the topless march movement here in Maine. Even among Christians, a more sexualized, skin showing culture has emerged. Skirts are shorter, tops are lower. Modern day fashions that display cleavage or lots of leg are often easy to find in church (or hard to avoid and ignore.) Guys are not excused by this to engage in bad behavior. BUT women are not excused from adding to the sexual stimulation of our culture. I had a friend in college who once observed to one of our christian sisters in the Bible college, "If you spent 10 minutes in my head you would dress differently." I'm not saying guys shouldn't work to control their eyes and their thoughts, but to put it all on the guy is to say that women can dress in ways that will draw their eyes without any responsibility to their brothers' struggles. The Bible says we should determine not to put a stumbling block in anyone's way. So, I agree with the article. Our culture is too forgiving of the sexual expression of men, but culture is also setting men up by placing a lot of temptation in front of them and then asking them to not notice. We can't change this culture easily if at all, but we can make sure that we aren't emulating the culture and its styles just because we would rather look "good" according to what the world has taught us as opposed to dressing in love for each other so as not to cause temptation.

Yesterday I talked about being a selfish onion. I talked about how hard it is to truly die to self and to keep on dying to self. I also discussed that Jesus taught that someone who wanted to lead or "be first" would need to be a servant of all. I have more and more found myself dealing with some people who have come out of a Christian environment where the father was strong to the point of dictator. The leading could be harsh, and following consisted of unquestioned submission with no exceptions. This is believed to be the "Christian" or "Biblical" way. I don't believe it. Now don't get me wrong. I believe the Bible clearly teaches that the husband/father is to be the head of the home. Wives are supposed to submit, children to obey. So often, however, our understanding of what that means and the context within which that is to take place is very lacking and often very worldly. If the husband/father is supposed to be the leader of the home, what is the Biblical model for leadership? SERVANT! If the father is the head of the home than he is the first and foremost servant. He puts the needs of his wife and his kids ahead of his own. Not the other way around. A wife submits and children obey because the husband/father serves them, not because he bosses them. This idea can be further born out (as I preached on Sunday) in 1 Timothy 3:4, "He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity..." The word "manage" there means

• 1a) to set over
• 1b) to be over, to superintend, preside over
• 1c) to be a protector or guardian
• 1c1) to give aid
• 1d) to care for, give attention to

Do you see the flavor of that word? Yes it means that you are "over" the household, but it also holds the idea of protector, guardian, giving aid, care for, give attention too. I know of fathers who have exercised their control but have hurt their kids, have acted in uncaring ways, or have simply not paid enough attention to them. The dreaded "pastor's kid" syndrome is often the result of kids who have been given plenty of expectations, but not a lot of attention. After all, dad's busy with church. So my point is that, contrary to what some may teach, being the leader of your home is not about control, it is about servanthood. The stronger you want to be as a leader, the stronger your service and servanthood should be. To effectively manage your home, you must be a protector and guardian to the hearts of your family, giving aid, care, and attention. Then you are a husband/father. I'm working on this and each day working harder to lead my family in a way that honors God by serving them.

In April on my anniversary, I shared these three thoughts

• I have learned how selfish I can be and how to die to self more.
• I have come to understand just how much joy there is in dying to self.
• I have learned how hard it is to die to self in meaningful ways.

This brings me to the selfish onion. As I get older and continue to grow in both the ministry and in my marriage, I continue to discover new areas of selfishness. I was thinking about this as I prepared for church. Just when I have learned how to better serve my wife or my family, something new is required of me and I fight it. I discover a new level of selfish demand that resides in my heart. God has told us that whoever would be a leader needs to be a servant.(Mark 9:35). This shows the difference between the way God views leadership and the world views leadership. Godly leadership is about serving, not being served. Authority and leadership is rooted in your ability to serve those under you. Jesus is the ultimate example, not coming to be serve but to serve to the point of giving up His life for those He would lead. All this service is really bad for my ego. My ego, my pride wants to be important, to be in charge, to get my needs met first. When I do serve and die to self just a little, my ego immediately gets very proud of myself and now asserts that it is time to be rewarded. Lost the outer shell of selfishness and underneath is another layer of even more selfishness. In fact, the more I serve, the more my ego retrenches and explains that now I have done enough and it is time for me to be served. So that's the facts. I'm a selfish onion. One layer of selfishness after another. I guess the trick is to not resist peeling. And if I can stretch the metaphor just a little further, yes, sometimes this much peeling can make you want to cry. :) I've got some more thoughts on this that I will post tomorrow.

So, no, I didn't lose the posts in some sort of accident. I just didn't get any written this week. I have been putting my computer back together after a complete hard drive failure and busy with visits to the hospital where several people from church are right now. So sorry to not get any posts up this week. I have also taken some posting time to write for a new ministry that God has introduced me to, so that further kept me from updating the Window this week. Rest assured I will be back with more to say soon. For now, it is time to be off to men and boys night. Still have some things to do for Sunday and tomorrow is going to be a busy day as well. Hope you all have a great weekend and I will see many of you on Sunday. I am really looking forward to this Sunday's message as we talk about God the Father and fathers in general. Going to be a good day.