This has proved to be one of those weeks. Actually, it started last week and has continued this week. By this I don't mean it has been a bad week. Things have actually been going well. But I am tired, on the inside. I'm one of those people who don't need a ton of sleep. I can get by for days on some sleep and catch up later. Getting older has diminished this capacity a little, but not too bad. Functioning while physically tired and functioning when tired inside are two different things. I've been feeling tired on the inside lately. So I thought I would go look at some verses. First up I found this one.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. (Psalms 37:7-8)
It would be tempting to use this verse and write a little devotional here about not worrying or fretting. After all, the Bible does mention in the New Testament about being anxious for nothing. The problem with using this verse is, that's not what it says. The english translation fret may give us the wrong impression. The word literally means "to glow". It has the idea of a hot ember. It might be better to translate that sentence, "do not get yourself hot & bothered [by evil doers]. So, while a good thing to remember, this doesn't go directly to my inner tiredness. This one though hits the spot.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
Weary and heavy-laden. Heavy-laden can be translated overburdened and one of the flavors of that can mean by spiritual anxiety. Now we're talking. Two different words are used for the two "rest"s here. One means "repose" or "refresh" and the second means "intermission". I like those words too. This whole verse reminds me that if I am finding the ministry a burden, it means that I am doing it in my own strength, not in the Lords. Too often pastors and other ministry leaders talk about the "burden" of ministry, but this directly contradicts what Jesus says here. "My yoke is easy and My burden is light." He doesn't mean it might not be physically demanding and exhausting, but when I start to feel the cirosis of the giver, it means I am giving out of myself, not out of Him.
That's easier to talk about than to fix. I seek to always serve out of my fullness in Him, but sometimes it is hard to know when you have transferred to your own strength until those warning signs of burden appear. And maybe it is ok to be spiritually tired (not anxious). Jesus was pretty stressed in the garden ("And He *said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch." (Mark 14:34) ). "Deeply grieved"="intensely sad". Well, that's good to know too. We can't accuse Jesus of sin nor of operating in his own strength not God's, but we can accuse Jesus of being human. You can accuse me of that too.
So this has been an interesting study this morning and I appreciate you joining me in it. I know I'll be ok, I will seek to continue to drag my tired soul to the feet of Jesus and learn what true refreshment in the face of weariness means. I will learn, perhaps slowly, what it means to trust Him and rely on Him in ways that are real, not just cliche. In the meantime, I will seek to be honest with you, my brothers and sisters, about my own spiritual journey and my real-life efforts to allow Jesus to live in me.