Real Men

The individual above is not a real man.  He may look like one and you could be forgiven for thinking he is one since he is 23 years old.  He certainly should be a man by now.  But he is not a real man by my definition.  A police affidavit says he told police he got frustrated at his two and a half month old son's crying Saturday morning, held him suspended by his head and threw him into a living room chair. The baby was hospitalized with severe bleeding around his brain and has died.  This is not the act of a real man.

Now I am not condemning this man, although many will feel he deserves it.  He deserves the punishment the courts will meet out and I pray for him.  I hope that he finds forgiveness in Jesus and can come to grow up past this terrible act he has committed.

Real men do not hit children, nor women.  Real men shouldn't even need to be hitting other men.  When it comes to family a real man serves.    I talked about this recently in my post, Serve Harder.  Real men take responsibility and serve.  They lead, they don't push.  This is tough.  I have NEVER used violence on my family (or others) but I can be verbally aggressive.  I don't yell, but I can be impatient and sound very displeased, speaking in a way that is not full of grace.  Of course, I could tell you I have good reason.  But do I ever have good reason for not thinking of others, especially my family first?  Sure, the case of this young man is extreme.  We would never do such a thing.  But how often do I do this sort of thing in my own gentle way?  We have been fighting the clutter war at my house.  I am not the only one who contributes.  In fact, I am 1/5 or the problem.  Some days, less.  So I can get a little impatient with the other members of this household and I can push them.  Yes, I have a pregnant wife, and yes she takes a lot more of the load of taking care of the kids, but really, she should be doing more!  I can get frustrated.  Not justifiable homicide, only justifiable frustration/indignation.  Ok, so its not baby killing, but it is also not serving.  Not being a real man.

So here's a radical thought, especially for those who have been raised to think in Puritan terms.  I do not believe that as a husband, I have the right to tell my wife what to do, or to force her to do things, either through guilt, or emotional pressure, fear, etc.  I can lovingly invite her to join me in things, but the minute she feels forced, I have moved outside of the servanthood that characterizes real manhood.  I looked in the Bible.  There is not one verse I could find that says that wives/women are supposed to serve their husbands.  It does say they are to submit which you can interpret as obey, but where are the verses telling the husband to order or command?  Not one.  Instead, the husband is commanded to be gentle, to serve, to be understanding. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25).     Every verse I found that told a wife to submit or even obey was immediately followed by comparing the husband to Christ. Christ died for His bride. "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:28).     So I do not have the right to tell my wife what to do.  I have the right to serve her, give myself up for her, to lead by example and welcome her into life with me.  When I do that, God has commanded her to respect me, to follow me, and to submit to my humble service to her.

The boy in the picture didn't serve his son, he hurt him, fatally.  I have sometimes been guilty of hurting my wife and kids.  I have never left a physical mark, but through selfishness and lack of service, I have left emotional marks.  Real men don't hurt their families, they serve them.  Join me, men.  Put away your harsh words or attitudes.  Stop being pushy and bossy.  I don't care what you think needs to be done, do it yourself and invite them to follow you gently, don't try to force obedience from your family.  Real men don't do that.