Promises of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is hard.  I have blogged about it before over the last three years.  You see the tension of forgiveness in Christians a lot.  On one hand, we know that we have been commanded to forgive, as Christ forgave us.  On the other hand, when the other party doesn't seem to be sorry, or won't admit wrong, or did something really bad, forgiveness is really hard.  As a result, we often see more talk about forgiveness than practice.  From Peacemaker Ministries, here are the "Four Promises of Forgiveness."  They are based on Matt. 6:12; 1 Cor. 13:5; and Eph. 4:32.

1.   I will not dwell on this incident.

I personally think this is the hardest promise.  Shutting down that mental tape requires supreme effort and focus on Christ.  This is a TOUGH first promise.

2.  I will not bring this incident up and use it against you.

I'm reminded of a funny quote from the old animated movie "Gay Purree", "If the opportunity arose to do him a disservice, I might not be able to resist it."   Sometimes we are just storing it up for that day when "justice" will be done.

3.  I wil not talk to others about this incident.

We want to bring it up, talk about it, gain support, sympathy, etc.  When we bring it up, we are quietly bringing just a little justice.  "I know God will repay him/her/them, but in the meantime, look how bad they are."   There is a satisfying thing in reviewing wounds we received from others.  But that is NOT forgiveness.

4.  I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.

Imagine how hard this can be.  Now there is a difference between this and granting trust.  If you stole my credit cards, I'm not going to trust you to hold my wallet.  That is not a punishment.  But if I treat you coldly, or even with a light coolness, if I withhold friendship from you, that is.

What about abusers?  Avoiding someone who is an active abuser is not about punishing them or not forgiving them.  It is about you being safe.  Forgiving someone who will put you in harms way does not require you to enter into harm's way.   The trick will be being able to pray for them with compassion and not anger or hate.  That would be the trick.

Forgiveness is hard, and even with Christ's example, many Christians find it difficult to truly practice and demonstrate it.  I'm still working on it myself, but may we never let ourselves off the hook by sitting on our but.  As in, "I forgave them, but..."