I Won't Forgive

The article linked above is about the wife of a soldier who lost his life in battle refusing to forgive the young man who through the grenade that killed him. I feel for this poor woman and her kids who have been deprived of a husband and father.

Forgiveness is tricky and hard.  In this case the captured militant has apologized.  What if you don't believe the person who apologizes?  What if there is not a way to make up for the hurt that they caused?  What if they aren't, or don't seem to be, sorry?  What does it even mean to forgive at that point?  If the person abused or deeply hurt you, how could anyone even ask you to forgive?

God forgave.  I think we often really forget just how deep each of our treasons went.  If we, even as "nice christian people" ever really look at our own hearts/motives/minds and were honest, we would see that there are still plenty of sinful attitudes, thoughts, even actions that are deeply wounding to God and, often times, to others.  Yet God forgave.  He did this by absorbing the punishment himself.  Then He asked us to go and do likewise.

"For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. "But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.  (Matthew 6:14-15 NASB)

"Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.   (Mark 11:25 NASB)

That's an incredible statement and it doesn't give us room for those who have really really hurt us, perhaps hurt our loved ones, who aren't sorry.

I have met plenty of Christians who don't really forgive.  Oh, they say they do, some of them can even explain how vitally important forgiveness is, but watch them.   You will see the acts of unforgiveness.  They will continue to seek to punish the wrongdoer.  As western Christians, our main form of punishment is social.  We will review their crimes with others.  We will treat them with coldness or shunning.   We will not forget what they have done and make sure they don't forget either.  And it is pretty easy for anyone to know what is really going on.

This is one reason that our witness for Christ is so weak and ineffective, no matter how much spiritual talk and praise we spew.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.   (Ephesians 4:29-32 NASB)

Forgiveness is part of who we are as Christians, it is part of how we show Christ.  When we do not engage in FULL and COMPLETE loving forgiveness, especially to our enemies

"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. "For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? "If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? "Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.  (Matthew 5:43-48 NASB)

we destroy our witness and the image of Christ that He intends us to show.  Look at that verse in Matthew.  "If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others?"  So if you have an enemy who you are socially punishing by giving the cold shoulder, you are not fulfilling this passage!  If you are rehearsing their crimes against you and sharing with others their need for punishment, you are allowing unwholesome words to proceed out of your mouth.

BUT HOW!?!?!  When you have been deeply hurt and wounded.  When the other person is unrepentant.  HOW can you truly forgive that person and love them?  This seems too hard.  IT IS.  There is no human way to do it.  Only the Holy Spirit can accomplish such things.  But when He does, when He is allowed to soften a hurt heart, He will empower a forgiveness that shakes the world for Christ!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-robbins/can-unforgivable-violence_b_748002.html

In the article above from the Huffington Post (An very liberal web publication with no evangelical goals), the Amish School Shooting is revisited four years later.  I encourage you to read the whole article, but check out this excerpt.

There is probably no way most of us could comprehend the grief and horror that this unspeakable brutality caused the Amish community and the families of these innocent victims. There are no words that can even begin to express the violence and its devastating toll.

But somehow, these people did not respond with hate. They did not cry out for revenge. Their hearts were filled with unimaginable grief, but they sought and found ways, miraculously, to turn their misery toward compassion.

....The Amish didn't hold a press conference. They didn't cast blame or prepare to file lawsuits. Instead, though their hearts were filled with grief and shock, they reached out with compassion to the killers' family.

....The story became the subject of national attention. Many reporters asked, "How could these people forgive such a terrible, unprovoked act of violence against innocent children?"

It's a good question. Part of the answer stems from how deeply devoted the Amish are to the teachings of Jesus, who taught his followers to forgive others, to place the needs of others before themselves, and to find peace in the reality that God can bring good out of any situation.

This is who the Amish are. This what they do. They try to meet evil with good. When they are harmed, they seek to forgive.

How come that is not how we are known as Christians?  How come the world does not write, "That is who the Christians are.  This is what they do."?   Because we are not known for it. Maybe we should all look within, with a good hard honest piercing glare, and see how we are not truly forgiving. Who we are seeking to "socially punish", and start showing love and forgiveness, even to those we consider enemies who have hurt us. If the Amish can immediately forgive the man who shot their little girls, with the power of the Holy Spirit, we can forgive our "shooters" too.