The conference ended Wednesday afternoon. After a quick lunch I headed out to pick up Sarah and the kids at her sisters (they actually met me north of Baltimore, which was nice) and we headed home. Stayed overnight in New York state and came the rest of the way on Thursday, getting home in time for me to lead youth group. The conference really encouraged and restored me. It was a big encouragement and gave me some more good ideas, as I mentioned in my previous entry. I also did some counseling while down there, one session of brief marriage counseling and one of premarital counseling. Also saw my former professor that I blogged about while there (and which will be the inspiration of next week's radio show), and visited with several other old friends. All in all, it was a very hectic three days and I come home pretty tired, but yet energized. Youth group went well on Thursday night and I look forward to what God is going to be doing there.

Well, two days of the three day conference down. It has been a really good conference so far. I have been learning a lot and have some more ideas for sermons that I will use this summer or fall. Also had some good talks with some other pastors. It is refreshing and encouraging to get fed and trained. Some things have been affirming as I find that some of the things we are already doing are really on the right track. It has been good to see some of my PA friends and family too including some of my old teachers. I ran into my old choir director today whom I hadn't seen in over 10 years. That was nice I do miss my wife and kids who are staying with her sister down in Annapolis. After the conference ends tomorrow, I will be picking them up and we will be heading for home. We will stop part way to sleep and then make it home in time for youth group on Thursday. The trip down was good but we had a hard time finding a motel room and ended up not stopping until late. The kids were really tired. I am probably going to be exhausted when I get home. But I will say the conference has been worth it already!

I have long maintained that God has a sense of humor. Obviously dealing with us requires a sense of humor, but when you see that humor and laughter are so important to us as humans, it has to be part of who God is since we are made in His image. All this to say that God has really been communicating with me on some things the last few days and He has been pulling A LOT of things together to make a very strong point. I am reading an awesome book. Ted Brewer, who works with New Peace Networks and was a very important part of helping us through our difficulties a couple of years ago, recommended it. The book is called "Healing the Heart of Your Church." It is a wonderful and insightful book. It has caused me to go back an examine my past and my family history as well as looking at the history of our church. God has really been speaking to me through this book in powerful ways. But that is not all...

• He has been reminding me of sermons I have taught over the last year and how they tie in to what He is now teaching me. He is showing me how it all fits together and how He has been arranging this.
• Last month I purchased some material that we will use this fall for the next step of our church's development. This all ties in with that perfectly.
• The pulpit committee's survey of the church revealed some truths about our church that this study that I am doing puts in perfect context and ties in exactly with what I am reading.
• Discussions that Sarah and I have had together have further confirmed what I have felt God speaking so clearly about.
• Some other recent events in the life of parts of our church have led straight into this.

If all that wasn't enough. As if God had not already been speaking loud and clear. Today I had to laugh when my latest CD from Focus on the Family's Pastor to Pastor came. The title? "Living With Your Past." God has an awesome sense of humor!

My wife and I are both perfectionists, but in different ways. I am what they call a frustrated perfectionist. We are both aware of our tendency and continually seek God's perspective and victory. For me as a pastor, this can be discouraging. No matter what is going well at church, I will tend to focus on areas that are not what they should be. I will focus on areas where I am falling short or where I sense failure and allow that to become my whole world. Of course, since perfection will never be achieved, it is easy to live with a sense on constant failure. I always fall short. This is good for humility, but can reach a place where it really defeats. I must continually learn that I don't have to be perfect in order to not be a complete failure. Of course, this tendency can be magnified because there are those in any church who do expect the pastor to be perfect (even if they don't realize that is what they are doing) and are very critical to any area in which a pastor fails. I and people like me, will tend to agree with these people since it reinforces our self view that over all, we are failures. As a frustrated perfectionist, once I am there, I am done. A large piece of toast. Lord, may I have your eyes and your perspective. Help me learn the balance between proper humility and abject defeat. Help me keep my expectations for myself realistic, even when others do not. May I remember that this work is Yours, not mine. Thank you Lord for your consistent love, even in my failures.

Boy, the last two weeks have been intense. Each week you think that it will get easier next week, but next week is always next week it seems, and not this week. We need to continue to pray for the Griswold's and the Clemens as they deal with absence in the weeks ahead. It is never easy to lose someone. My heart especially breaks for little Maya. Between funerals and the directory, there has been no time or emotional energy to write any posts. Things will hopefully ease this week. I am so thankful for brothers and sisters in the church who reach out to us. The old picture seemed to be that a pastor did all the ministering and everyone sat back and got ministered to. I don't think that is a Biblical picture, and it is surely not one that I am capable of sustaining. There is so much need and so little me. Praise God for his unending reserves because mine empty quick. I am thankful that there are many friends in the church who call and check in. Who ask how I am doing instead of just waiting for me to make the first move. It is that instinct that tells me that we are building a team of people who are ready to minister, not just be ministered to. It is such an awesome aspect of our church! And it really encourages me on the days that my spirit is exhausted, like the last week.