It is time I confessed that we as a family have been seeing a Doctor. We do not dread these appointments, rather, my children are often eagerly inquiring whether I have to be out any given night. They are eager for me to be home so we can participate in one of our group activities.

I confess that I have feared raising kids even though I was eager to have a family. I had heard all the stories, seen the terrifying possibilities of “pastor’s kids” and worried that as they hit their teenage years, things could get ugly.

Reality has been far more fun than my fears anticipated. A big part of that is how much we enjoy being together. Over the years I, or my wife, have kept up a steady pattern of reading books with our kids. I took them through the entire Lord of the Rings series and other fun books. Currently, I am reading them a series of short stories from Isaac Asimov as well as Garrison Keilor’s “Lake Wobegon Days.” Sarah has read through the Little House books and several other series. Then there are the family viewing nights where we’ve been working through Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, as well as Dr Who, both classic and current varieties.

My favorite thing though is the laughter (although, to be fair, when I’m tired and they are busy fooling around together and laughing, I get tired of it) that we share. I will very freely admit that I get grumpy sometimes and can not be the life of the party, but overall we manage to laugh more than anything else and that laughter keeps a lot of tension out of our relationships. It has reduced discipline issues between parents and kids and reduced stress between parents. I find that the more I lead the household with laughter and joy, the more it bleeds through the other relationships in the house. (Conversely, when I’m grumpy, that tends to quickly spread too.)

If I am home, I am often the one that tucks the kids into bed. As I pray with my kids, we thank God for our family and how he gave us to each other. We learn together, play together, and seek to follow and serve the Lord together. Ministry is not something that is Daddy’s job but instead is simply the thing that gives pattern and direction to our entire lives. I am excited to find that as a result of this, as my kids are getting older, they are seeking opportunities to be involved in ministry without any push or nudge from us parents. It is simply how they understand living life. This fills me with joy.

We aren’t done yet as there are still plenty of steps on this path, but I am thankful and joyful that I enjoy being home and being with the people who live here with me.

And He said, “My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest.”

(Exodus 33:14)

On a good day, ministry is exhausting. On a medium day, it wears one down. On a bad day, it is crushing. My experience is that any given week can produce some of each kind of day. There are moments of great reward, fun times, glimpses of the victories of God. There are the moments of uncertainty, of ambiguity, of doubt. Then there are the moments where you face the darkness, with sin staring you in the face, anger, rebellion, and the loss and hurt that results from it. After all these moments, you feel tired, and it’s not the physical weariness of heavy physical labor, it is inward tiredness that then radiates outward from deep within until your limbs feel heavy.

Where is God’s rest then? We tend to think of rest as when the labor is over and we can be done, but I find myself dealing with situations, and walking with others through darkness where there is no immediate end to the trouble. No fix or respite is available, no reprieve from the reality of sin and its effects on us. Where then is rest?

I have been learning a new reality of what that rest looks like. It doesn’t look like a warm fuzzy, a comfortable bed, or a deep sigh of release as the problems and stresses melt away. It is rest born of companionship and understanding. I don’t feel better, I can’t make it better, it’s not going to get better for now, but….. I know that I am not alone now and I know that this is not the end. This doesn’t make the weariness go, but it lets me experience rest in the weariness.

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

(2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Abba Father said there’d be days like this; there’d be days like this, Abba said. My weariness with this world is not a lack of His rest, but instead a call to make sure that I find my rest in Him and not in the false placeboes of this world. God doesn’t numb my pain or my weariness, He joins me in it, He holds me during it, and He reminds me that this is when I most know His power as I live at the end of my strength and resources.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

(Matthew 11:28-30)

His service is hard, life in Christ is the life of suffering, and can even lead us to physical death. His yoke is easy and He brings rest for my soul. It isn’t designed to make me feel good walking through this world, but it brings me rest in the midst of the great weariness the sinfulness this world brings.

After several years of blogging, life suddenly took two left turns and my blogging ways came to an end.  The desire never went completely away, however, and moving forward I’m excited to return to blogging.

When I started blogging, I lived across from the church and watched a lot of life happen out of the window in my office.  “Pastor’s Window” seemed like an appropriate name as a metaphor for watching everything happen.

Two & half years ago we moved.  Life has brought a lot of major changes in my life and the life of the church.  I find myself in a new place both physically, and metaphorically.  My “view” has changed a bit.

So its time to relaunch.  No longer do I see the church building and a busy parking lot when I look out my window.  I see trees, and sometimes a glimpse of mountains.  So instead of “Pastor’s Window” now the blog is “The View from Zions Hill”.

If you are interested in reading some of my old posts, the old blog still exists and can be found here: http://www.beanscorner.org/blogs/

Onward and forward!